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Funny DnD Stories Dot Com

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#1 Pencil-Monkey

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Posted 19 November 2013 - 09:53 AM

A repository of guffaw-inducing gaming gaffes and thrilling TPKs can be found at Funny DnD stories dot com.

For example:
 

So me and group of friends play after school, we were about level 2-3 depending on who showed up and when.

Our party consisted of 5 people:

  • A halfling Ranger,
  • A elf/orc Wizard,
  • A human Druid,
  • A human Fighter,
  • And lastly a Human Rogue(Me).
My character had a high forgery of +15 until my DM nerfed me.

So we're about 3 weeks into the campaign, and the story so far is we were trying to overthrow a dictator in power at the largest port town, and we need documents to enter the port town and speak with him. I decided to put my forgery skill to uses, i rolled a 16, it was a decent document and we were let in the town. As we walked the streets we were ambushed by the dictators guards, they were tough, but we killed them all.

After the fight we needed to clear the street of their bodies, and my character thinks, "Oh it'll be suspicious if we did this in public eye." So I decided to forge another document saying we were street cleaners, to the response by the party, "Why do you keep forging documents?" I tried to explain myself, but the party didn't care so i just decided to shout "ALL I HAVE IS ARTS AND CRAFTS!!" which lead to dead silence and then bombastic laughter heard around the table, and now its become a inside joke. If ever there issue I just forge a document to try to fix it.

 


They've also got a link to the Gajillion Things That Mr Welch Can No Longer Do in an RPG, so you know it's high quality. ;)


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#2 Pencil-Monkey

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Posted 19 November 2013 - 09:54 AM


Sulfur, So Good

I'm running a game for some beginner D&D players.  We have a cleric, a sorceror, an elven fighter, a monk, and a dwarf ranger.  The cleric's player is overly enthusiastic and tends to jump to conclusions.  Sometimes, to hilarious results.

The group was hired to find out the fate of a mountain town's beloved fire mage, who had not been seen for several years.  The group trekked up to the mage's keep on the rim of the volcano and entered the keep using a magic key to bypass the doors.  Once inside, they commenced exploring carefully, since they didn't know what other denizens might be in the keep.

Because the keep is dark, the party's dwarf ranger is sent to scout out the rooms just inside the antechamber.  Through one of the doors, he notices a horrible sulfur smell, and discovers a room with metal scraps piled against one wall, along with two metal pots sitting in an alcove at the far end.  Upon hearing the description, the cleric's player exclaims excitedly, "They're making fireworks!!!!"

Um, nope... those were chamberpots.

 
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#3 Pencil-Monkey

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Posted 19 November 2013 - 09:54 AM


We're playing an anthropomorphic campaign (Think Disney's Robin Hood) where I'm playing a bard squirrel named Nutchuck the Melodious. We all play preformers in a traveling circus. Amongst the NPC's are a wizard bull-dog named "The Professor", a foundling kitten (a TIGER cub, but the squirrels don't know that) and another squirrel, Ralph. Ralph has a perpetual case of ADD, so bad in fact that he has a higher difficulty when doing anything when he's bored.

So the squirrels have taken the lonesome kitten under their hairy little arms thinking that he's about 7 years old (if he was a Cat, not a Tiger). Nutchuck starts to think that he may be a bit slow in the head because he acts much younger then that (because he is half that age) and decide to have The Professor look at him.

The professor squares things away by explaining everything to the squirrels.

Nutchuck: We're gonna need a bigger loft... But do you know what this means? We have a SMART kitty
Ralph: Oh thank goodness. I mean the last thing that we need is another idiot. I mean just taking care of Razor is a full time job. I can't believe they let him handle pointy objects!

Nutchuck stares at Ralph and turns to the Professor. "Can you fix THAT?"

Professor: I'm afraid that's congenital.
Ralph: Professor! Can you believe him talking about my-my-my...
Nutchuck: Congenitals?
Ralph: Exactly!
Nutchuck: That's nothing. One time I had a sore throat and he wanted to see my *whispers* uvula.
Ralph: PROFESSOR! You should be ashamed of your self!

 
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#4 Pencil-Monkey

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Posted 01 June 2015 - 06:17 AM

Deck of Many Things

This happened a bit back, with my first character in a giant campaign some friends and I were doing. We had about 10, maybe 11 people, but they’ve been swapping in and out that I can’t be accurate anymore.

Anyways, we had just gotten back to the tavern and (since I don’t remember the miniscule details) we found ourselves in the presence of a Deck of Many Things. So one of our members decided to draw from the deck. The first card he gets is imprisonment of his soul on another plane, his body now comatose.

Our DM decided that (either through rolls or off the top of his head, I don’t remember) that his soul is stuck in the gem of the Sultan King of the Fire Plane around his neck, and the king now doesn’t want to take the necklace off. To spare him the evils of the deck, DM was nice and moved on to the rest of the group, dismissing the other cards that would have been drawn.

I remember someone got a Keep, someone else got experience but was bare naked, and something else happened to the other guy in our group. So I decided to draw two cards.

Before I go on, I want to say that I was playing a ranger who loathed the Undead. It was up to the point where I would rather sacrifice everything to kill one skeleton than save a village.

So, my first card was lucky. I got a random magic weapon. DM rolls for the weapon, and each time he rolled, he looked more and more in disbelief, and finally told me what I got.

DM – You now have a +4 Disruption Flaming Undead Bane Shortbow

Me – ….What?

Then he started to laugh hysterically, and everyone couldn’t believe that I had received the “Undead F*cker 69″. Major discussion ensued, and epic roleplay of my ranger seeing the bow as her child. Then everyone shut up because I had one more card.

The next card caused some random person to hate me uncontrollably. Guess who it was?

The Sultan King.

 
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#5 Telemergion

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Posted 01 June 2015 - 09:17 AM

I like that you're apparently keeping this thread going purely for your own enjoyment :P


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#6 Pencil-Monkey

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Posted 02 June 2015 - 01:55 AM

I like that you're apparently keeping this thread going purely for your own enjoyment :P


Theoretically, someone who enjoys tabletop RPGs might someday stumble across this website. ;)

Also:

Memetic Door

This happened at our most recent Pathfinders session.

Cast:
Aasimar Sorceress
Human Paladin
Half-Dragon Fighter
Half-Elf Rogue/Ranger (Me)
Gnome Druid

Our party set out to a nearby mountain to confront a band of Kobolds who have been pillaging the city at night. After some failed negotiations we eventually take one of their generals hostage and force him to take us to their chief as he is “Communing with our God.” Eventually we reach a large iron wall with small Kobold size doors on them.

Our GM declares that all medium sized creatures would have to crouch to pass through it. Most of our group is annoyed because it feels like a trap but we think the Gnome would have no problem with this. Except for one thing. Our Gnome Druid was already Wildshaped into a Velociraptor and didn’t want to change and waste the form change for the day. So like the others we all crawl under (In my case, with my high Acrobatics check I decide to limbo under the door. Just for kicks.) and safely pass through.

Then a thought occurred to me and I laughed until I had tears falling from my face. Getting odd looks from my friends I collect myself and explain to them that we literally just Opened the door, Got on the floor, and Everybody walked the Dinosaur. I will remember this for years to come.



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