[...] quite a long list of other awesome qualities, some of which are probably inappropriate to detail on this board. They don't make wads of money big enough!
No, it's all good. *Nudge nudge* *Wink Wink*
Is your wife... a go-er? Know whattamean, eh? Eh? Is she into... photography? Eh? A little light holiday polaroids, hmm?
To be fair, that's very-slightly-creepy internet stalking, but honesty and flattery compensate well for that.
Absolutely, sir. If you don't want random strangers ogling your hairless scalp and tribal-tattooed man-boobs, then you shouldn't post pictures of them on the interwebs in the first place.
*Looks at very-slightly-creepy results again*
Oh, so you're not selling your wife - she's selling you. Or at least sub-letting. Huh.
Also, I don't put out
Also, I don't put out information on the internet I don't want people to know.
Oh! Umm, yeah - that's very sensible. *Cough*
[...] spending the next month and a half staying with various family members through the holidays [...]
You know what would be a great distraction to keep you entertained during the tedious hum-drum holidays? That's right - RPGMP3 dot com!
[...] and then flying out for the start of the semester [...]
You know what would make some excellent easy listening while you're on the 'plane? That's right - RPGMP3 dot com!
[...] and our going-away party is on Saturday.
You know what would make a great soundtrack for your party? That's right - Polka!
...What? Why are you making that face? Polka is the shizzle-drizzle, homes.