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#1 Pencil-Monkey

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Posted 07 August 2013 - 07:34 AM

(Copied from RPG.net and the OotS forum.)

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RPGMP3.com is a website overflowing with tabletop RPG Actual Play podcasts. Since 2004 it has received contributions from multiple gaming groups spread through-out the world:

  • The UK (Bradford Adventuring Guild, Whartson Hall Gamers)
  • The US (Texan Gamers, Thistledown Gamers)
  • Canada (Yorkton Gaming Guild)
  • Not to mention several groups of people who're recording their online games via Skype or Google Hangouts (RPGMP3 Professionals, Pantsless Gamers), letting Swedes and Belgians team up with the Americans and Brits to fight orcs in 10' X 10' rooms.

Want to get a close experience of what a game plays like, before you spend your hard-earned money on it?
Do you need to sate your gaming itch, but can't find anyone in your local area who's interested?
Are you looking for a friendly, troll-free forum where you can discuss RPGs, gaming and sundry nerdy hobbies?

If any of those reasons sound enticing to you, or if you're just looking for quality podcast entertainment, visit RPGMP3.com.
The site has recently been relaunched in a shiny new version, with a crisp and clean exterior, and even more room for Actual Play mp3s and the ensuing discussions about the games, and gaming in general.

The list of games that have been played and recorded is as long as your arm - and several games have been played by two or more groups, giving you several different perspectives on the same game:

  • Apocalypse World
  • Best Friends
  • Call of Cthulhu
  • Cat
  • Chill
  • Classroom Deathmatch
  • Cold City
  • Dogs in the Vineyard
  • Dragon Age
  • Dream Park
  • Dresden Files
  • Duck Trooper
  • Dust Devils
  • Empire of the Petal Throne
  • Everyone is John
  • Feng Shui
  • Forgotten Futures
  • Fringeworthy
  • FUDGE
  • GURPS
  • HERO System
  • Houses of the Blooded
  • InSpectres
  • Jaws of the Six Serpents
  • My Life With Master
  • Point Blank
  • Risus: Supervillains
  • Rolemaster
  • Runepunk
  • Santa's Soldiers
  • Sorcerer: Cyberpunk
  • Swashbucklers of the 7 Skies
  • The Mountain Witch
  • The Secret Lives of Gingerbread Men
  • Traveller
  • Truth & Justice
  • Tunnels & Trolls (both vanilla and Monsters! Monsters!)
  • Unisystem: All Flesh Must Be Eaten
  • Victoriana
  • Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay (1E and 2E)
  • Wilderness of Mirrors

In addition to all these classic games - new, old and Indie darlings - the site also boasts a complete play-through of the renowned World's Largest Dungeon, several homebrew games like World of Tropis and S.L.I.D.E.Ways, and an excellent D&D scenario inspired by the audio on the site: Tomb of Haggemoth.

And, of course, mainstays like:

  •  
  • D&D (from Red Box through 2nd. edition, over 3E and 3.5 to 4th edition and then some)
  • Pathfinder (Jade Regent, Carrion Crown, Shattered Star, Serpent's Skull, Kingmaker, Curse of the Crimson Throne)
  • Savage Worlds (Sundered Skies, Necessary Evil, Rippers, Pirates of the Spanish Main, Rocket Nazis on the Orient Express, Monster Hunters, Call of Cthulhu: Delta Green, etc.)
  •  

One of the very best, and most entertaining, gaming groups on the site is the Yorkton Gamer Guild. As an appetizer for all the audio gaming goodness that awaits you at RPGMP3.com, this thread will present you with snippets and anecdotes from their take on Monte Cook's Dragon's Delve.

Featuring:

Kurtis as Roger 'Rager' (elf barbarian)
Mike as Raven (Zen archer monk)
Paul as Guess (witch)
Scott as Davor (half-orc alchemist)
Vince as Asmoranomar (inquisitor)
with Carter Lockhart as The Friendly Neighborhood GM


PS: I'm a fan of the site in general and the YGGernauts in particular, but haven't actually participated in any of their recordings; the choice and selection of quotes in this thread purely reflects my own immature sense of humour. Pre-emptive apologies all round.

PPS: This thread may contain SPOILERS from the Dragon's Delve campaign. It is also likely to be quite sweary, and occasionally downright offensive. None of the remarks are meant to be taken seriously, and besides, some of the players probably have learning disabilities, or Tourettes.


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#2 Pencil-Monkey

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Posted 07 August 2013 - 07:35 AM

Paul: "We're on the first floor, aren't we?"
Scott: "There's like, a gajillion floors."
Mike: "A zizillion!"
Scott: "Yeah, and each floor is scrumptulescent!"


The players quickly break into a discussion on the alchemist's class abilities, as Scott and Mike try to determine how many mutagens can be brewed per day, how long their expiration date is, and sundry details.


Scott: "Of course, it still takes me an hour every time I brew something..."
Kurtis: "You realize the average day for us down here is, like, two hours! We spend two hours wandering around the dungeon and then go: 'Y'know, I don't feel so good, let's go lie down' - 'Yeah, let's go lie down'."
Mike: "You know, Carter - Scott's right! He can brew 50 billion of them if he had the time: 'The mutagen stays active until it's used'. It's an hour of downtime, but still..."
Carter: "I'm gonna have to read over it myself, at some time."
Mike: "It says: 'It takes one hour to brew a dose, it remains active unti-'"
Carter: "No, I'm talking about his bombs."
Mike: "I know, I'm just reading the section out for you so you don't have to."
Carter: "I can read it on my own, later."
Kurtis: "Wait - Carter, you can read?!" :P

*Long silence*

Mike: "...That was awful."
Carter: "Negative level!" :angry:
Mike: "YESSS! I've been waiting for some arbitrary GM fiat." :D
Carter: "Bad move!"
Mike: "That was pretty low, dude."


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#3 Pencil-Monkey

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Posted 07 August 2013 - 07:35 AM

Lockhart: "When we last left our group of heroic adventurers..."
Kurtis: "We heard a loud awe-inspiring *Ding!*"
Lockhart: "Nope."
Mike: "And that's when you woke up next to the elf who made you pancakes."
Kurtis: "Woohoo! Pancakes!"
Lockhart: "Actually no, he doesn't - his servant does, and they're crêpes."
Kurtis: "Woohoo! Crêpes!"
Mike: "Those are faggy pancakes."
Lockhart: "Exactly!"
Kurtis: "Yeah, I'm gonna complain about THAT."
Paul: "Doesn't matter, they're free."
Mike: "Do you get porridge at the end? Porridge is better."
Kurtis: "Better than crêpes?! Have you ever had crêpes with sugar?"
Mike: "I've had crêpes, I've had crêpes a lot, crêpes are tasty - porridge is better; I love oatmeal."
Paul: "I hate oatmeal, I had it too much in my youth."
Scott: "Going to grampa's house, 'here's breakfast'!"
Lockhart: "And you guys are served cold oatmeal for breakfast at the inn."
Mike: "Woohoo!"
Vince: "But we're paying six silver?"
Lockhart: "That's assuming you're paying three silver for a cold meal; I suppose for five silver, there's an egg or two."
Vince: "That's an expensive egg."
Mike: "Can I just pay three silver and warm my porridge up?"
Lockhart: "...Suuure."
Kurtis: "With what?"
Mike: "The fire?"
Kurtis: "Gonna use your X-ray vision, Superman?"
Mike: "...Yeah!" :cool:
*Laughter*
Scott: "Touché!"
Lockhart: "Apparently X-ray vision now heats things up, instead of irradiating them."
Kurtis: "2nd level monk with X-ray vision - way to go, Pathfinder, you broke shit again!"
Mike: "I can't use it on other creatures, only porridge - really strict limitation."
Kurtis: "That'd be an awesome quirk."
Mike: "Infravision!"
Scott: "Your eyes emit microwaves, WAWAWAWA..."
Mike: "And cats blow up across the street." :D


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#4 Pencil-Monkey

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Posted 08 August 2013 - 03:10 AM


More silliness from The YGGernauts:

As our party of heroic adventurers explore the dungeon, they come upon a locked door. The only character with ranks in Disable Device in the party at this point is Davor, the half-orc alchemist, who tries to pick the lock - and fails. Raven, the brash and foolhardy monk, promptly leaps forth and plants a punishing Kung-Fu kick on the door - and rolls a natural 1. Cue the Family Guy references:

peter5.gif

Several rounds later, every party member is sporting bruised shoulders and sprained ankles from wailing at the door, but they've finally managed to open it.

Carter: "So, this room was a workroom, and still has a large grindstone, a potter's wheel, a table and cupboard filled with rusty tools, empty crates and baskets..."
Mike: "Search the room!"
Kurtis: "Help him search the room."
Carter: "Amidst the tools, you find a set of masterwork stoneworking tools, and a magnifying glass."
Mike: "Write that down."
Carter: "There's also a key on a keyring hanging next to the door."
Mike: "Hey, doesn't a magnifying glass give you +1 to Search checks? No, that's something else..."
Kurtis: *Bursts out laughing* "Like Sherlock fuckin' Holmes?! Aha!" _sherlock__revamp_by_deejaylobo.gif
Carter: "I think it's applicable to Appraise checks on gems and stuff?"

Mike AKA Raven the Monk checks his inventory, and notices that he's already carrying a large bronze key.

Mike: "That means I've got two keys... Can they both on the same keyring?
Carter: "Goodness, no! The big bronze key is, like, key-to-the-city type size."
Kurtis: "It's BIG!"
Carter: "It's big and ornamental."
Mike: "I should sell it when I get back to town."
Kurtis: "So you'll be like: 'I'll sell you the key to the dungeon!', or you'll go up to the big Nordic chick you're always hitting on and be like: 'This is the key to my heart!'"
Mike: "What are you talking about? I'll be like: 'This is the key to your chastity belt, let's go!'" jawa_wink_emote_by_reaper8436247-d3dnc6q
Kurtis: "And she'll be like: 'I'll take the key for later'"

Kurtis holds out his hands in front of him, like a fisherman showing the size of his latest catch, with Carter chuckling at his juvenile antics:

Kurtis: "Or: 'You must be THIS big to enter!'"

Mike glances at the size of the space between Kurtis' hands with a calculating eye:

Mike: "Yeah, I'm good."
Kurtis: "No, you're not! Are you a frost giant? No! You're not!"
Mike: "My Con says I'm big enough."
Kurtis: "Wait, so Constitution is penis size? Can I adjust my stats? I feel embarrassed!" Dark_Link_emoticon_2_by_jioplip.gif

Carter pretends to read from the Dungeon Master's Guide:

Carter: "1d6 + Con modifier." ;)
Mike: "Inches, right?" :D
Kurtis: "I'm an elf, it's 1d8!"
Paul: "Is this where we cock-slap people, now?" a793c9c34ed7a1a9.gif
Kurtis: "Or is it: I'm an elf, so I get to use my Charisma mod instead of Con mod?"
Mike: "No, you get your Dex mod: it makes it FEEL as big - it's not the size, it's how you use it!"

The discussion is underscored by Kurtis' constant chuckling, filling the room with his rumbling guffaws of laughter.

Kurtis: "We're bad!"
Carter: "You guys have spent too much time reading the book on, umm..."
Mike: "I'm a monk, I studied the Kama Sutra. I know how to make my dick huge; Wisdom score gets added, as well."
Kurtis: "Oh, fuck!"
Carter: "Trust me, you don't really wanna know what the Kama Sutra says about that subject."
Mike: "I know what it says. You know what you do? You take wasp stingers and rub them all over your dick till it swells, and then you lay down on a massage table..."

Scott had left the room earlier to fetch a soda or whatever, and now returns in the middle of Mike's sentence:

Mike: "...But instead of a face hole, it has a dick hole. And then you wait for a couple of days till the swelling stops."
Scott: "What the heck?! emoticon_shocked_by_furansu.gif I came in on the end of that!"
Mike: "It's all true."

Kurtis smirks at Scott, who plays an alchemist with a vast collection of toxins and dangerous chemicals.

Kurtis: "Hey Scott, you got any wasp poison?"
Carter: "Mike! Keep your bedroom talk at your own house!"
 


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#5 Hal

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Posted 08 August 2013 - 06:45 AM

I have to say that is a very long list of games we have played around these parts :)

 

We should aim to make it longer :P

 

Hal :hal:


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#6 Thing

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Posted 08 August 2013 - 07:52 AM

I have to say that is a very long list of games we have played around these parts :)

 

We should aim to make it longer :P

 

Hal :hal:

Some sort of Penis Rack?

 

I'm sure we probably saw one of those int he Runelord of Lusts bedroom, although she may have just used a wand of enlarge person


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#7 Pencil-Monkey

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Posted 08 August 2013 - 09:52 AM

I have to say that is a very long list of games we have played around these parts :)

We should aim to make it longer :P

Hal :hal:


Some sort of Penis Rack?
 
I'm sure we probably saw one of those int he Runelord of Lusts bedroom, although she may have just used a wand of enlarge person


*Ahem* Mike may already have provided you with the solution, sir. :) 
 

Carter: "Trust me, you don't really wanna know what the Kama Sutra says about that subject."
Mike: "I know what it says. You know what you do? You take wasp stingers and rub them all over your dick till it swells, and then you lay down on a massage table..."

Scott had left the room earlier to fetch a soda or whatever, and now returns in the middle of Mike's sentence:

Mike: "...But instead of a face hole, it has a dick hole. And then you wait for a couple of days till the swelling stops."
Scott: "What the heck?! emoticon_shocked_by_furansu.gif I came in on the end of that!"
Mike: "It's all true."

Kurtis smirks at Scott, who plays an alchemist with a vast collection of toxins and dangerous chemicals.

Kurtis: "Hey Scott, you got any wasp poison?"
Carter: "Mike! Keep your bedroom talk at your own house!"


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#8 Thing

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Posted 08 August 2013 - 09:55 AM

hmmm, a Druidically enchanted penis ring of the wasp sting... not that I would need such, but you know.. for science


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#9 Pencil-Monkey

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Posted 16 August 2013 - 10:20 AM


Lockhart: "Rubble covers the floor in this room; the ceiling has apparently partially fallen in, and the cracked remains bow downward at an alarming angle. Fallen rubble has smashed the wooden furnishings, including what was likely a bed, a wardrobe and a chest. A small intact table and an overturned chair remains in the south end of the room."
Mike: "If I shoot the table and chair, do I get XP?"
Lockhart: "...If they're alive?"
Kurtis: "This is why we can't have nice things!"

Of course, no self-respecting party of adventurers could walk through a room in a dungeon without searching for loot, no matter how decrepit and dingy-looking it might be. The PCs soon find tracks and footprints in the scattered detritus. Looks like the orc-laden Random Encounter that dropped by during the night, while the party was trying to rest and recover spells, must have come this way. Kurtis is eager to move on, since the chamber seems to be devoid of portable valuables, but the other players show an increasing interest in the old, dust-covered furniture.

Kurtis: "Are we planning on hauling the table and chair out with us?"
Scott: "Were these made by orcs and goblins or...?"
Mike: "They were made by - YOUR MOM!"
Kurtis: "I heard orcish craftsmanship wouldn't stand up to a layer of dust this thick!" ;)
Long silence, while Scott AKA Davor the half-orc alchemist is glaring daggers at Kurtis.
Lockhart: "Racism aside..."
Scott: "I will kill you."
Kurtis: "I said that coz he's an orc." :)
Mike: "He's a half-orc, he was raised by goblins!"
Kurtis: "Same thing, same thing."

The GM reassures the players that the few surviving pieces of furniture is non-descript wooden stuff, not particularly valuable or even race-specific. The players then debate what their next course of action should be.

Mike: "Let's search everything!"
Kurtis: "Let's keep going."
Mike: [Talking through a mouthful of Doritos] "We can find awefome ftuff!"
Kurtis: "Mumble mumble murmur murmur?" :P
Mike: "Stop talking with a dick in your mouth!"
*Laughter*
Kurtis: "Good advice on being less gay! You faggot."
Mike: "C'mon, that was hilarious! You got owned."
Kurtis: "What? No! That was just random shit coming out of your mouth! You're not even going for clever anymore! You used to be good at this, now you're just kinda like... flailing."
Mike: "Whatever you say." 11f357003a292b283561796198c477bf.gif
 


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#10 ScaleGraze

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Posted 16 August 2013 - 06:07 PM

@Pencil-Monkey Do you have perfect audible recall, do you write down the time stamp for anything funny or do you sit in front of a computer all day and type up the quotes as they come?

'cause this is just crazy :)


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#11 LightPagoda

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Posted 16 August 2013 - 09:33 PM

I play in and often run the OotAK games and I still have to re-listen to the audio for a synopsis to post.  The Monkey must transcribe as a hobby or something.


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#12 Pencil-Monkey

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Posted 19 March 2014 - 10:38 AM

Scene from the Yorkton Gamer Guild's Dragon's Delve, episode 26:


 


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#13 Lockhart

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Posted 19 March 2014 - 11:55 AM

Funny story. I once had the back window of my vehicle randomly smashed out while I was GMing a game.

No, as far as I'm aware, no player had opportunity to do so during or after the game.
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#14 Pencil-Monkey

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Posted 19 March 2014 - 12:10 PM

Seriously?! That sucks, dude. Sorry to hear it. :(

(Also, that movie suddenly seems a lot more callous and dickish than intended.)

And BTW: if that's your idea of a funny story, you should probably stop telling funny stories. ;)
 


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