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2009 Christmas Special: My Life With Pimp Santa


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#1 Hal

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Posted 13 July 2013 - 11:05 AM

File Name: 2009 Christmas Special: My Life With Pimp Santa

File Submitter: Hal

File Submitted: 06 Jul 2013

File Category: Seasonal Games

Genre: Seasonal
Profanity Level: Unmitigated Filth of the First Water


A little more festive fun with My Life with Pimp Santa


Click here to download this file


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#2 Pencil-Monkey

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Posted 16 December 2013 - 04:29 AM

So did anyone ever follow up on Hal's challenge to imitate Ned, go into a sex shop and go: "What've you got to eat?" ;)

MERRY_CHRISTMAS_by_Emotikonz.gif
 


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#3 Pencil-Monkey

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Posted 16 December 2013 - 05:33 AM

Hey, turns out that the Long Tall Texans were coming up with interesting uses for Gwyneth Paltrow's severed head, long before the Whartsies did. :)

Hmm, this session must have been recorded on December 20th, 2009 - although the time stamp is rather grim, and has only gotten stranger with time. :(


 


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#4 Pencil-Monkey

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Posted 16 December 2013 - 05:48 AM

This episode really merits a proper warning label. :O

BIG ASS WARNING:

This Christmas Special was an attempt to get back that golden joy and sickness caused by the first Christmas Special. The system is My Life With Master in homage to the original. There are some things (MANY THINGS) in this session that could be considered disturbing, twisted and wrong. If you are easily offended in any fashion, by anything, anything at all, then it is best that you not listen at all. In fact don't even read this thread again...

I'm serious. There is some twisted shit in here and I was not sure about uploading it. There is also some genuine iffy feelings from the players about the depravity to which they are encouraged to delve.

Proceed with caution... You have been warned


The warning should read something like this.

Do not listen if you are offended by or disturbed by:
  • Violence - Against women, men, children, genitalia and animals
  • Sexual Violence - Against women, men, children, genitalia and animals
  • Torture - Against Women, men, children, animals, genitalia, and mythical creatures
  • Inappropriate use of motor vehicle parts - Against women, men, children, animals, genitalia, and mythical creatures
  • Or any of the following - Kidnapping, prostitiution, rape, forced sexual congress, gagging, bondage, inappropriate remarks, cursing, mental breakdowns, theft, breaking things, forgery, scatophilia, necrophilia, and many other unsavory acts...


It is June. 1974. Santa's select team of elves are running his regular business on the street of Queens. The operation has come to the notice of the Mob and they want to move in and take over. Santa is more paranoid that ever, can Sparkles, Surly, Bitchslap, Bumble, Snoozy and Ho Ho Ho get out of their miserable lives or are they destined to be Santa's bitches forever?

 
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#5 Pencil-Monkey

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Posted 16 December 2013 - 06:11 AM

Some potential album artwork for the podcast!
pimp-santa.jpg
76947358_302f3cce2b.jpg
Santa-Pimp-25097.jpg

Hey @Daniel - that new hat of yours is great, now you just need a candy cane-striped pimp cane and some hookers, and you'll be all set for this year's Pantsmas Special. ;)
 
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#6 Pencil-Monkey

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Posted 17 December 2013 - 08:59 AM

A little old Jewish man is walking down the street one afternoon, when he sees a woman with perfect breasts.

He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me BITE your breasts for $100?"

"Are you nuts?!" she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again.

"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"

So the little old Jewish man runs around the next block and faces her again, "Would you let me bite your breasts - just once - for $10,000 dollars?!"

She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000 dollars...; Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them - but not biting them.

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, 'Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?'

"Nah," says the little old Jewish man ... "Costs too much!"


And to top it off, Chris had apparently found the illustrated version of this joke. ;)
 
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#7 Pencil-Monkey

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Posted 29 August 2014 - 04:15 AM

Hey @Hal, have you read the webcomic Killbash? Looks like Pimp Santa refused to stay dead. ;)

killbash1.jpg
 


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#8 Hal

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Posted 29 August 2014 - 02:51 PM

I don't think he ever said that in my recording... my Santa likes to ride bareback... :P

 

Hal :hal:


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#9 Pencil-Monkey

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Posted 02 November 2015 - 06:04 AM

Hey @Hal, have you started planning something cool for a 2015 Christmas Special? :)


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#10 Hal

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Posted 02 November 2015 - 10:48 AM

Erm... sure... because I plan these things :D

 

Hal :hal:


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#11 kendoyle659

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Posted 02 November 2015 - 11:28 AM

I'm not sure one could realistically plan such depravity. Certainly not whilst trying to maintain an alibi for the police. 


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#12 Pencil-Monkey

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Posted 16 November 2015 - 06:15 AM

the-christmas-the-elves-forget.jpg
 


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#13 Aethyr

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Posted 20 December 2015 - 10:29 AM

Finally listening to this one. It is surprising how easily Hal slips into the depravity of Pimp Santa.
Tis nice and amusing to hear how Lindsey plays the game and scary to hear the various definitions of horror that are discussed during the horror reveals.
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#14 BigJackBrass

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Posted 21 December 2015 - 01:56 AM

It is surprising how easily Hal slips into the depravity of Pimp Santa.


Surprising how quickly the mask slips, you mean 😉
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#15 Aethyr

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Posted 21 December 2015 - 07:43 AM

Eh, potayto potahto.

I was worried when HalSanta showed up in Fuzzybottom Gets Festive that a nice Santa with that voice would hurt my mind. Thankfully it was the same ole Santa bastard we all know and loathe, er love (?)
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